Polka Dotted Boxers ...

Tonight at work has not been particularly busy, it's about an average night.  When we hit a bit of a slow down time, I decided to stop by at a QuickTrip to take a much needed bathroom break.  Did I mention that I was drinking A LOT of water??  I backed my car in as I always do, put it in park and went to get out.  Then it happened.  That's right you guessed it, a rip where the sun don't shine.  All I could think was, "What boxers did I put on today, is it the ones with the polka dots or the ones that are black?"   The thing is, if I was wearing the black ones, no harm no foul and nobody would really notice.   I have to ask you, is life ever really that simple?  No, I was wearing my polka dotted boxers.  The ones that would really stand out against the black.  You know, my mother always told me to wear clean underwear in case I get in a wreck so that if they have to cut them off of you they're clean, but she never mentioned to make sure they are always dark colored in case you have a "blowout" for the whole world to see.

So there I sat in the parking lot trying to make several life decisions.  Did I want to risk anybody seeing me with my polka dots in the back or would it be more embarrassing to look like I dumped a pitcher of something  in my lap??  I decided on taking the risk with the boxers.  I sat there for a minute waiting for the majority of the folks to leave, then they did and I took my shot.  The clerk was outside talking to somebody, so I walked by and backed in the door while telling them "Oh yea it's been busy tonight."  After I was in the store, a quick check and nobody was in sight.  I  bolted over to the bathroom and took care of business.  When I came back out, with no one still around I safely made it back into the confines of my car.

Then I started thinking, "What now?"  As I tell all of my rookies when I train them, keep a spare uniform in the car in case of emergencies.  By this I mean, you get dirty, get soaked in a rain storm or pretty much anything that would require you to get cleaned up, never did I think it would apply to this situation.  Knowing that I kept my own advice, I headed to the precinct.  I got out of the car and popped the trunk, where I found my spare uniform in the bag.  Then a quick realization came to mind, the uniform had been in my car for about 3 years.  I pulled them out and checked the size, 48.  Dang, that's big.  I had no clue what size I was wearing, so in the door I went.  I ditched the blown out pants and put on the spare set.  There is only one thing that came to mind when I looked in the mirror at the pants I had just put on, skin tight.  Have you ever seen somebody and thought, "How in the name of all things good did they ever get those pants on?"  That's how tight I'm talking about.  Needless to say, I got everything back on.  The remainder of the night I was overly cautious about getting out of the car and making sure I don't drop anything.  Because let me tell you, bending over wasn't really an option.  Donuts did this to me, I swear.

I'm sure that you didn't log on here for me to tell you about my boxers, but like I said, this is something to keep me on track.  Reading that over to myself reminds me that I have got to get off this weight.  Okay, so I didn't start today as planned, but you have to understand.  Today was my 13th wedding anniversary.  Even though we had a date night with just the two of us on Friday, we still went out to eat with the kids.  Knowing this, I decided that Monday would be the day I start after I get up from sleeping.   Yea, yea I know what some of you are going to e-mail me, "That's an excuse" or "Why do you keep putting it off?"  Well that's not it at all, I just wanted one more day before I start this thing, because let me tell ya once I start this there is no turning back and certainly no eating out.  You would know this if you read what my "MENU" is going to be

Oh well, at least I can say this, I got up and weighed in after I slept and I am very happy to report, my current weight is (drum roll please) 353.6!!  For those of you that are keeping track, that is a total of 4.2 pounds that have evaporated.  Like I said before, it's got to be all this water I'm drinking.  However, my wife made a very good point, since I started this I have been eating less.  Not really eating any healthier, just less.  Maybe that's what made the difference.

After this night of dodging QT clerks and blown out britches, it's time to do this thing.  Look for my next post to be along the lines of how the eating is going.  All I can say is, there sure are a lot of greens on that menu.  I think that it will do two things.  One is that it's healthy to eat the greens and the other is that it's going to clean me out, no fiber drinks needed (I think you get the idea).  But in the end, the one thing that is NOT on there is that word that I have come to make sure that I avoid, donuts.

Sincerely,

Badge 662

A Cop Without Donuts