Well it's just been a week about forgetting and worth forgetting ...

Okay, so here I am again.  For MANY of you critics that have been e-mailing me like crazy to get back on this blog, here I am.  Also for my adoring wife who has been nagging me to no end, I'm back on here.  I am proud to report that this has been a complete and total week worth forgetting about.  Some of you know what is going on around this house that I live in and some of you do not.  Well let me just tell you friends, it has had it's ups and more than likely, it's downs.  Let me give you a glimpse and let you in on a little secret ...

Yes, I know this is a blog about me keeping away from the big double D's (get your mind out of the gutter, I'm referring to Dunkin Donuts!), but it is also to remind me of what was going on, why I did the things I did and what I did to fix it.  So bear with me as we walk down this little side road, I eventually get back onto the highway I promise.

Several years ago (7 to be exact) my father in law was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease.  A few weeks ago my father in law became progressively and rapidly worse with his mental state.  So bad that we had to place him in a facility to help him with his medications and help us learn what to do.  He did not know who most of us in the family were and to watch his rapid decline was heartbreaking at a minimum.

I was watching a man that I had known for over 13 years become someone that I had never met.  I was watching my mother in law who had been married to this man almost 50 years look into his eyes with the hopes that somewhere in his mind he would remember something about the last half century that he had spent with her.  More closely I was looking at my wife as she cried and wondered if this was going to happen to her, if in just a few years would she even remember the two children that we worked so hard to bring into this world.  Well lemme tell ya, it was a little more that this big 'ole boy could handle.  I'm man enough to admit that I fell apart more than once sitting in my patrol car at work hidden around behind the Walmart.

 I am glad to report that the latest news on that front is that he is improving, all be it slight, he is improving.  The stress of taking care of my father in law, grandfather in law, mother in law, all the other in laws and my precious wife, added just a little stress to the otherwise mundane day to day.

So I'm sure you are asking yourself, so what does this have to do with weight loss?  Well it's not so much the weight LOSS that it had to do with but the weight GAIN.  Yes that's right ladies and gentleman, I gained.  I guess that is partly the reason behind me not posting on here was I was ashamed.  After the first few McDonald's drive by's and the assassination of a large meal at Olive Garden, I hit the scales.  To my horror, those events had led me to getting to 355.8.  I almost shut this thing down and started over.  We are only talking a matter of days people that I gained 6.6 pounds!!  I have no explanation for this but I was eating for comfort.

Watching a family fall apart and then suddenly come back together with a strength like nothing I have ever seen is what gave me the giddy up to get back on this horse and get along.  I started back on my diet with more vigilance than before.  I also made a decision, life is much too short to give up everything at once.  While I am going to stick to my "MENU" for the alloted two weeks, if I am having a craving for something, I'm going to eat it, IN MODERATION!!

Some of you know that I am also a college student, while doing my homework the other night, I decided that it was time for a snack that didn't involve either turkey or collard greens!!  I got out a bag of Doritos, put five chips in a little bitty, teeny tiny bowl and ate them really slow.  I guess the little bowl made them look like a lot more than it really was because it filled it up.  Ya know the strange thing was, after I ate them I didn't crave them and I was satisfied. I also didn't feel like I was depriving myself of anything.  I had given in just a little, controlled it a lot and moved along with no regrets.

After a few days of staying away from the Italian food or having a Big Mac Attack, I got onto the dreaded scales.  I hadn't weighed since the bomb was dropped at over 355.  I got up onto the scale and I really didn't want to look.  I closed my eyes, got up on it and counted, "one, two, three, four and five."  As I looked down I was not expecting what I saw.  That's right I had lost that stinking 6.6 pounds, but not only that, I had lost yet another full pound!!!  That's right folks, I got it back down.  I currently stand as of this morning at 348.2, even after those evil Doritos attacked me during the study session!!

I guess I say all of this to you that are in the same boat with me and have the waves a rocking you all around.  Don't let it get you down when life completely and suddenly sucks!!  Don't think any less of yourself when you give in to the temptation of eating something that is comforting.  Food is not only a way to survive, but it can bring back memories of happier times with just a taste or a smell, like the feeling I had when I walked into that Olive Garden remembering so many years back when the family went there for a birthday.  Food can also be as comforting as a close friend, it can console you to a place where you think everything is okay no matter what is really going on.  Kinda like when I hit the drive through that night at Mickey D's.  I scarfed down that Big Mac like it was my worst enemy, but afterwards was my best friend.  Don't deny yourself folks, if you have to bend just a little.  But if you do, remember what I said because it worked for me, GIVE IN JUST A LITTLE, CONTROL IT A LOT and then MOVE ALONG WITH NO REGRETS.

And in closing here is the little secret that I have learned over the past few weeks and I wanted to pass along to everyone that is here, don't let life pass you by.  Laugh until your face starts to hurt from the enormous smile on your face, cry until you sob so much that you gasp for breath, love like it is your only connection to the real world and never let anyone tell you that there is anything that you cannot do.  You never know when your last chance to make a difference has finally arrived.

Sincerely yours,

Badge 662
A Cop Without Donuts