Friday, September 10, 2010
BOOM!! Dang it all, starting over ...
Okay, so I was at work tonight and it was pretty slow. I pulled off the road to eat snack number 1 in the day. You know, this diet isn't really that bad, but I have to be honest. I didn't want to eat this today. The thought of collard greens and turkey was not really doing it for me tonight. I was thinking more like heading over to Golden Corral, pulling up a chair at the bar, getting out my fork and daring anyone to pull me away from the mashed potatoes. In case you should see me leaned over the buffet with a fork full of steak and a fist full of rolls with honey butter and decide stop me, be forewarned, I will be armed. The I snapped out of my daydream and whipped right back to reality as I popped open my plastic container and the aroma of the collard greens filled up my car.
As I sat there and ate, I looked over to my computer and opened up one of my favorite computer games in history, Minesweeper. Is there anyone out there that has never played this game?? I mean really, this is the best thing to waste a few hours, but keep your mind sharp at the same time. For those of you who don't know how to play it, let me give you a quick tutorial.
When you first open it up a little tiny screen opens up for you to play. You can open up the options and you find that there are three levels, Beginner, Intermediate and Expert (I check expert every time). Once you have the level selected, you see all these small gray squares and you take your mouse and start randomly clicking on each little box. Sometimes you get a number and sometimes you get a bomb. What you are trying to do is hit the right square that will open up a big field of blank spots. Once you hit one of these, you see all these different numbers in different colors surrounding squares. Each number represents how many bombs are connected to the number. If you find a number 1, that means that there is only one bomb somewhere around it in the nine spaces. It's your job to find it.
Once you think you have found it, you have two choices. You can right click once, which places a little red flag. This says that you know a bomb is there. You can also right click twice, which places a question mark on it. This says that you think a bomb is there but you're not sure. If you leave a red flag, you go back to the number and click with both mouse buttons. If you are right, this will open up all the spaces around that number that do not have a bomb. Then you start back over finding the bombs and placing the flags. If you are wrong, BOOM!!! Then you have to start over.
At the top of the screen is a little smiley face. Each time you either place a flag or click with both mouse buttons, the mouth of the smiley face turns to a circle, as if it's shouting "Oooo, you better be right!!" If you blow up, the eyes of the smiley face X out and he gains a frown. If you go through the whole game and find all the bombs, the smiley face then dons a pair of Don Johnson's Miami Vice sunglasses and you win. The point of this game is that you have to really think out what you are doing, you have to go slow and you have to be very deliberate with your selections, otherwise BOOM!!! Now that I have explained this game, I'll give you a minute, or a few hours if you are like me, to play it so you get where I'm coming from.
All done? I really hope that you played it or know how to, else the rest of this isn't going to make any sense to you at all. Okay, back to the point I'm trying to make.
After a few minutes, I was really into the game. Out of 100 bombs I had found 43 of them, 56 to go. I started moving even faster, very confident at my skillz in the Minesweeper arena. I took a bite of turkey, then a bite of greens, then clicked. BOOM!! Dang it all, starting over. Bite of turkey, bite of greens, clicked a few times more and my sunglass wearing friend appeared at the top of the screen, that's right, I'm the man. Found all 99 bombs in record time. As strange as it is to sound, I started thinking about how much this annoying game represents somebody that is trying to lose weight, especially me.
You get the similarity right? You start off at the beginning not knowing what to do. You blindly bounce here and there trying to get the right option. Sometimes you find a big empty space and suddenly it looks like everything is going to be going your way. You keep going, making all the right choices. You select everything very carefully, sometimes you find something that you know will work and you drop a red flag. You move around that red flag, thinking that you are running smooth, then you find something you aren't sure about and you drop a question mark. A few more choices later and you start getting confident, then BOOM!! Dang it all, starting over. Other times, you blindly move around and you get a couple of choices right, but never get the wide open spaces, then BOOM right at the beginning!! Dang it all, starting over. Every time, hitting that X'd out eyed smiley face to start over, letting the frustration start to get to you and your determination builds with every click. After a while, if you keep getting blown up you either lose interest and give up or become so insanely obsessed that you won't stop till you win.
I think that the last few years for me with this weight loss thing are exactly like this game. I never saw the similarity until I had a mouth full of collards. I have tried this and tried that. I have moved around blindly and then BOOM, something happens and I have to start over again. I start over and get the wide open space. I start losing weight, dropping pounds left and right, then BOOM!! Something happens to get me side tracked. After a while I just lose interest or it seems to never work right and I start screaming, "I QUIT!!"
This time is different. I have a determination that has arisen somewhere from within me that I AM going to do this. When I started this, I knew that things would blow up at times. The last few weeks has been proof positive, but after it was all over, I decided that I would get back up and start again. I'm looking for the Don Johnson sunglasses and I'm going to find them, no matter how long it takes. For anybody else that's reading this and are finding themselves clicking around blindly and getting blown up at every turn, don't give up, don't lose interest. Just know that if you move slowly, make the right choices and be very deliberate with your selections, you can do this too!!! If you blow up, blow it off and move on with determination!!!
With that I will give you the latest updates. I jumped up on the scale after some really good sleep and guess what, another loss!! As of this afternoon I currently stand at 345.6!!! That's right folks, another 2.6 pounds GONE. Total loss to date of 12.2 pounds. I also have to be honest with you, I think that I have lost all of it from my rear end. When I put on my pants tonight I noticed that the back of my pants weren't skin tight, they were actually baggy. Hey, I don't really care where I lose it from, as long as it goes away.
It's amazing how you can get such inspiration from such an irritating game, ain't it?? I say again to everyone that is out there fighting this fight with me, don't give up. Throw out those red flags and those question marks, blow up if you have to, but get back in the game to win, because the good Lord knows, if I can do this, you can too.
Tossing out red flags right and left,
Badge 662
A Cop Without Donuts
As I sat there and ate, I looked over to my computer and opened up one of my favorite computer games in history, Minesweeper. Is there anyone out there that has never played this game?? I mean really, this is the best thing to waste a few hours, but keep your mind sharp at the same time. For those of you who don't know how to play it, let me give you a quick tutorial.
When you first open it up a little tiny screen opens up for you to play. You can open up the options and you find that there are three levels, Beginner, Intermediate and Expert (I check expert every time). Once you have the level selected, you see all these small gray squares and you take your mouse and start randomly clicking on each little box. Sometimes you get a number and sometimes you get a bomb. What you are trying to do is hit the right square that will open up a big field of blank spots. Once you hit one of these, you see all these different numbers in different colors surrounding squares. Each number represents how many bombs are connected to the number. If you find a number 1, that means that there is only one bomb somewhere around it in the nine spaces. It's your job to find it.
Once you think you have found it, you have two choices. You can right click once, which places a little red flag. This says that you know a bomb is there. You can also right click twice, which places a question mark on it. This says that you think a bomb is there but you're not sure. If you leave a red flag, you go back to the number and click with both mouse buttons. If you are right, this will open up all the spaces around that number that do not have a bomb. Then you start back over finding the bombs and placing the flags. If you are wrong, BOOM!!! Then you have to start over.
At the top of the screen is a little smiley face. Each time you either place a flag or click with both mouse buttons, the mouth of the smiley face turns to a circle, as if it's shouting "Oooo, you better be right!!" If you blow up, the eyes of the smiley face X out and he gains a frown. If you go through the whole game and find all the bombs, the smiley face then dons a pair of Don Johnson's Miami Vice sunglasses and you win. The point of this game is that you have to really think out what you are doing, you have to go slow and you have to be very deliberate with your selections, otherwise BOOM!!! Now that I have explained this game, I'll give you a minute, or a few hours if you are like me, to play it so you get where I'm coming from.
All done? I really hope that you played it or know how to, else the rest of this isn't going to make any sense to you at all. Okay, back to the point I'm trying to make.
After a few minutes, I was really into the game. Out of 100 bombs I had found 43 of them, 56 to go. I started moving even faster, very confident at my skillz in the Minesweeper arena. I took a bite of turkey, then a bite of greens, then clicked. BOOM!! Dang it all, starting over. Bite of turkey, bite of greens, clicked a few times more and my sunglass wearing friend appeared at the top of the screen, that's right, I'm the man. Found all 99 bombs in record time. As strange as it is to sound, I started thinking about how much this annoying game represents somebody that is trying to lose weight, especially me.
You get the similarity right? You start off at the beginning not knowing what to do. You blindly bounce here and there trying to get the right option. Sometimes you find a big empty space and suddenly it looks like everything is going to be going your way. You keep going, making all the right choices. You select everything very carefully, sometimes you find something that you know will work and you drop a red flag. You move around that red flag, thinking that you are running smooth, then you find something you aren't sure about and you drop a question mark. A few more choices later and you start getting confident, then BOOM!! Dang it all, starting over. Other times, you blindly move around and you get a couple of choices right, but never get the wide open spaces, then BOOM right at the beginning!! Dang it all, starting over. Every time, hitting that X'd out eyed smiley face to start over, letting the frustration start to get to you and your determination builds with every click. After a while, if you keep getting blown up you either lose interest and give up or become so insanely obsessed that you won't stop till you win.
I think that the last few years for me with this weight loss thing are exactly like this game. I never saw the similarity until I had a mouth full of collards. I have tried this and tried that. I have moved around blindly and then BOOM, something happens and I have to start over again. I start over and get the wide open space. I start losing weight, dropping pounds left and right, then BOOM!! Something happens to get me side tracked. After a while I just lose interest or it seems to never work right and I start screaming, "I QUIT!!"
This time is different. I have a determination that has arisen somewhere from within me that I AM going to do this. When I started this, I knew that things would blow up at times. The last few weeks has been proof positive, but after it was all over, I decided that I would get back up and start again. I'm looking for the Don Johnson sunglasses and I'm going to find them, no matter how long it takes. For anybody else that's reading this and are finding themselves clicking around blindly and getting blown up at every turn, don't give up, don't lose interest. Just know that if you move slowly, make the right choices and be very deliberate with your selections, you can do this too!!! If you blow up, blow it off and move on with determination!!!
With that I will give you the latest updates. I jumped up on the scale after some really good sleep and guess what, another loss!! As of this afternoon I currently stand at 345.6!!! That's right folks, another 2.6 pounds GONE. Total loss to date of 12.2 pounds. I also have to be honest with you, I think that I have lost all of it from my rear end. When I put on my pants tonight I noticed that the back of my pants weren't skin tight, they were actually baggy. Hey, I don't really care where I lose it from, as long as it goes away.
It's amazing how you can get such inspiration from such an irritating game, ain't it?? I say again to everyone that is out there fighting this fight with me, don't give up. Throw out those red flags and those question marks, blow up if you have to, but get back in the game to win, because the good Lord knows, if I can do this, you can too.
Tossing out red flags right and left,
Badge 662
A Cop Without Donuts
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Well it's just been a week about forgetting and worth forgetting ...
Okay, so here I am again. For MANY of you critics that have been e-mailing me like crazy to get back on this blog, here I am. Also for my adoring wife who has been nagging me to no end, I'm back on here. I am proud to report that this has been a complete and total week worth forgetting about. Some of you know what is going on around this house that I live in and some of you do not. Well let me just tell you friends, it has had it's ups and more than likely, it's downs. Let me give you a glimpse and let you in on a little secret ...
Yes, I know this is a blog about me keeping away from the big double D's (get your mind out of the gutter, I'm referring to Dunkin Donuts!), but it is also to remind me of what was going on, why I did the things I did and what I did to fix it. So bear with me as we walk down this little side road, I eventually get back onto the highway I promise.
Several years ago (7 to be exact) my father in law was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. A few weeks ago my father in law became progressively and rapidly worse with his mental state. So bad that we had to place him in a facility to help him with his medications and help us learn what to do. He did not know who most of us in the family were and to watch his rapid decline was heartbreaking at a minimum.
I was watching a man that I had known for over 13 years become someone that I had never met. I was watching my mother in law who had been married to this man almost 50 years look into his eyes with the hopes that somewhere in his mind he would remember something about the last half century that he had spent with her. More closely I was looking at my wife as she cried and wondered if this was going to happen to her, if in just a few years would she even remember the two children that we worked so hard to bring into this world. Well lemme tell ya, it was a little more that this big 'ole boy could handle. I'm man enough to admit that I fell apart more than once sitting in my patrol car at work hidden around behind the Walmart.
I am glad to report that the latest news on that front is that he is improving, all be it slight, he is improving. The stress of taking care of my father in law, grandfather in law, mother in law, all the other in laws and my precious wife, added just a little stress to the otherwise mundane day to day.
So I'm sure you are asking yourself, so what does this have to do with weight loss? Well it's not so much the weight LOSS that it had to do with but the weight GAIN. Yes that's right ladies and gentleman, I gained. I guess that is partly the reason behind me not posting on here was I was ashamed. After the first few McDonald's drive by's and the assassination of a large meal at Olive Garden, I hit the scales. To my horror, those events had led me to getting to 355.8. I almost shut this thing down and started over. We are only talking a matter of days people that I gained 6.6 pounds!! I have no explanation for this but I was eating for comfort.
Watching a family fall apart and then suddenly come back together with a strength like nothing I have ever seen is what gave me the giddy up to get back on this horse and get along. I started back on my diet with more vigilance than before. I also made a decision, life is much too short to give up everything at once. While I am going to stick to my "MENU" for the alloted two weeks, if I am having a craving for something, I'm going to eat it, IN MODERATION!!
Some of you know that I am also a college student, while doing my homework the other night, I decided that it was time for a snack that didn't involve either turkey or collard greens!! I got out a bag of Doritos, put five chips in a little bitty, teeny tiny bowl and ate them really slow. I guess the little bowl made them look like a lot more than it really was because it filled it up. Ya know the strange thing was, after I ate them I didn't crave them and I was satisfied. I also didn't feel like I was depriving myself of anything. I had given in just a little, controlled it a lot and moved along with no regrets.
After a few days of staying away from the Italian food or having a Big Mac Attack, I got onto the dreaded scales. I hadn't weighed since the bomb was dropped at over 355. I got up onto the scale and I really didn't want to look. I closed my eyes, got up on it and counted, "one, two, three, four and five." As I looked down I was not expecting what I saw. That's right I had lost that stinking 6.6 pounds, but not only that, I had lost yet another full pound!!! That's right folks, I got it back down. I currently stand as of this morning at 348.2, even after those evil Doritos attacked me during the study session!!
I guess I say all of this to you that are in the same boat with me and have the waves a rocking you all around. Don't let it get you down when life completely and suddenly sucks!! Don't think any less of yourself when you give in to the temptation of eating something that is comforting. Food is not only a way to survive, but it can bring back memories of happier times with just a taste or a smell, like the feeling I had when I walked into that Olive Garden remembering so many years back when the family went there for a birthday. Food can also be as comforting as a close friend, it can console you to a place where you think everything is okay no matter what is really going on. Kinda like when I hit the drive through that night at Mickey D's. I scarfed down that Big Mac like it was my worst enemy, but afterwards was my best friend. Don't deny yourself folks, if you have to bend just a little. But if you do, remember what I said because it worked for me, GIVE IN JUST A LITTLE, CONTROL IT A LOT and then MOVE ALONG WITH NO REGRETS.
And in closing here is the little secret that I have learned over the past few weeks and I wanted to pass along to everyone that is here, don't let life pass you by. Laugh until your face starts to hurt from the enormous smile on your face, cry until you sob so much that you gasp for breath, love like it is your only connection to the real world and never let anyone tell you that there is anything that you cannot do. You never know when your last chance to make a difference has finally arrived.
Sincerely yours,
Badge 662
A Cop Without Donuts
Yes, I know this is a blog about me keeping away from the big double D's (get your mind out of the gutter, I'm referring to Dunkin Donuts!), but it is also to remind me of what was going on, why I did the things I did and what I did to fix it. So bear with me as we walk down this little side road, I eventually get back onto the highway I promise.
Several years ago (7 to be exact) my father in law was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. A few weeks ago my father in law became progressively and rapidly worse with his mental state. So bad that we had to place him in a facility to help him with his medications and help us learn what to do. He did not know who most of us in the family were and to watch his rapid decline was heartbreaking at a minimum.
I was watching a man that I had known for over 13 years become someone that I had never met. I was watching my mother in law who had been married to this man almost 50 years look into his eyes with the hopes that somewhere in his mind he would remember something about the last half century that he had spent with her. More closely I was looking at my wife as she cried and wondered if this was going to happen to her, if in just a few years would she even remember the two children that we worked so hard to bring into this world. Well lemme tell ya, it was a little more that this big 'ole boy could handle. I'm man enough to admit that I fell apart more than once sitting in my patrol car at work hidden around behind the Walmart.
I am glad to report that the latest news on that front is that he is improving, all be it slight, he is improving. The stress of taking care of my father in law, grandfather in law, mother in law, all the other in laws and my precious wife, added just a little stress to the otherwise mundane day to day.
So I'm sure you are asking yourself, so what does this have to do with weight loss? Well it's not so much the weight LOSS that it had to do with but the weight GAIN. Yes that's right ladies and gentleman, I gained. I guess that is partly the reason behind me not posting on here was I was ashamed. After the first few McDonald's drive by's and the assassination of a large meal at Olive Garden, I hit the scales. To my horror, those events had led me to getting to 355.8. I almost shut this thing down and started over. We are only talking a matter of days people that I gained 6.6 pounds!! I have no explanation for this but I was eating for comfort.
Watching a family fall apart and then suddenly come back together with a strength like nothing I have ever seen is what gave me the giddy up to get back on this horse and get along. I started back on my diet with more vigilance than before. I also made a decision, life is much too short to give up everything at once. While I am going to stick to my "MENU" for the alloted two weeks, if I am having a craving for something, I'm going to eat it, IN MODERATION!!
Some of you know that I am also a college student, while doing my homework the other night, I decided that it was time for a snack that didn't involve either turkey or collard greens!! I got out a bag of Doritos, put five chips in a little bitty, teeny tiny bowl and ate them really slow. I guess the little bowl made them look like a lot more than it really was because it filled it up. Ya know the strange thing was, after I ate them I didn't crave them and I was satisfied. I also didn't feel like I was depriving myself of anything. I had given in just a little, controlled it a lot and moved along with no regrets.
After a few days of staying away from the Italian food or having a Big Mac Attack, I got onto the dreaded scales. I hadn't weighed since the bomb was dropped at over 355. I got up onto the scale and I really didn't want to look. I closed my eyes, got up on it and counted, "one, two, three, four and five." As I looked down I was not expecting what I saw. That's right I had lost that stinking 6.6 pounds, but not only that, I had lost yet another full pound!!! That's right folks, I got it back down. I currently stand as of this morning at 348.2, even after those evil Doritos attacked me during the study session!!
I guess I say all of this to you that are in the same boat with me and have the waves a rocking you all around. Don't let it get you down when life completely and suddenly sucks!! Don't think any less of yourself when you give in to the temptation of eating something that is comforting. Food is not only a way to survive, but it can bring back memories of happier times with just a taste or a smell, like the feeling I had when I walked into that Olive Garden remembering so many years back when the family went there for a birthday. Food can also be as comforting as a close friend, it can console you to a place where you think everything is okay no matter what is really going on. Kinda like when I hit the drive through that night at Mickey D's. I scarfed down that Big Mac like it was my worst enemy, but afterwards was my best friend. Don't deny yourself folks, if you have to bend just a little. But if you do, remember what I said because it worked for me, GIVE IN JUST A LITTLE, CONTROL IT A LOT and then MOVE ALONG WITH NO REGRETS.
And in closing here is the little secret that I have learned over the past few weeks and I wanted to pass along to everyone that is here, don't let life pass you by. Laugh until your face starts to hurt from the enormous smile on your face, cry until you sob so much that you gasp for breath, love like it is your only connection to the real world and never let anyone tell you that there is anything that you cannot do. You never know when your last chance to make a difference has finally arrived.
Sincerely yours,
Badge 662
A Cop Without Donuts
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Temptation and Success ...
Well, it's been a couple of days for me. Between working and sleeping, that's about all that I've been doing. I do need to put down one little story of temptation and a story of success on here though, just to keep me remembering.
I started my new "menu" and I really have to tell you, if you decide to do this program and you are hungry, it's your fault. When I was making my lunches I was looking at the food and thinking, "This sure isn't much." But after I ate the first three meals of the day, I found that I wasn't even hungry for the fourth or fifth one!! I was astonished. I was even more astonished at what happened when I got home after work. When I go home from work yesterday and I was absolutely beat. I said bye to the kids and to my wife as she was loading them into the car to take them to school. After I saw them back out of the driveway, I closed the kitchen door and stood there a moment. At this point in the story you have to understand the layout of my house. The door that leads to the garage is RIGHT next to the door that is the food pantry, that just figures.
Almost out of habit, I reached and opened the pantry door. I looked up and down, side to side and thought, "Geeze, some cereal really would be good right now." Okay, you now have to understand the cereal bowls that I USED to eat out of. They aren't the bowls that come with the dinnerware when you get married, no they were the mixing bowls that you got when you got married. That's right, these bowls hold 6 cups (I checked). I would fill it to the brim with cereal, just a little milk and all was good. My mouth began to salivate. Ya know, the funny thing was I was also thinking, "I'm not hungry." I was wanting to eat that just out of mere habit. Then I snapped back into reality, "HEY SLACKER, am I going to lost this weight or not?"
I closed the door and the for no apparent reason, I walked to the fridge opened the door and stood there staring inside. My mind started to wander back to the cereal. As sick as this sounds, I started thinking about how I could get the cereal out, fill up a bowl, use the least little bit of milk as possible and eat it until all of those little fruity rings were gone and of course, it was just this last time. I wouldn't be doing it again!! Then I thought about my wife finding the bowl. I began to plot how I could eat really fast before she had a chance to get back. I could wash the bowl and spoon, getting them back into the cabinets and SHE wouldn't be one for the wiser. I walked over to the cabinet, mighty proud of my little scheme, opened to door and went to reach for the bowl. Then I realized, who am I really fooling here? I was certainly not fooling my wife. I was caving in, I hadn't been on this thing over a day and I was caving in. I stood there with my hand in mid air, having a conversation with myself. If you can envision this, little fat red devil on the left shoulder and thin healthy halo ringing angel on the other, talking in my ears trying to convince me what to do. Well it wasn't quite that poetic, no my two little folks were in a cage match for the death, jumping from the high ropes all the way to my fingers. After realizing that the only person I was fooling here was myself, I quickly closed the door and headed for the egg whites. I have to tell ya, after my egg whites and grapefruit, I was pretty dang satisfied. No thought of a big heaping bowl of sugar and rice rings ever entered my mind again. Full and actually happy with myself, I climbed in the bed and got some much needed sleep.
As soon as I crawled out of the bed I thought about earlier. Then I thought, I'm headed for the scales this had better paid off. Well let me tell you folks, it certainly did!!! Check it out, my weight as of today is ..... 349.2. That's right everybody in the peanut gallery, another 4.4 pounds evaporated and annihilated!!! I AM UNDER 350 POUNDS. This is the first time in well over 3 years I have been under 350 pounds. At my count, that makes a total of 8.6 pounds GONE baby!!!
Whatever your vice might be, whether it be a Big Mac, a chocolate bar, a donut or a big freaking bowl of cereal, just think twice about it, is it really worth it? I will also ask you another question if you have begun this quest for a healthy life with me, if you have one of these moments like I did, are you going to listen to the healthy halo ringing angel or are you going to go with the fat little devil?
Sincerely yours (as I kick the fat little devils butt),
Badge 662
A Cop Without Donuts
Food that went to work and never made it home!
Mid morning snack in the middle, lunch on the left and mid afternoon snack on the right. Yummy
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